Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Home Without A Range (Continued)

Well my mother has requested that I get to the rest of the story. She never comments on my blog so I guess when she is a sign. I suppose too, her motherly instincts are prompting her mind to process all possible worst case scenarios, she probably thinks I ended up in the hospital. I need to put an end to her suffering.

I managed to make it through the day without having to go to the emergency room. In fact, the tingling in my right forearm ended late afternoon on Saturday and after that I never thought about getting electrocuted early that day. I was on to the next phase of my overall goal of replacing the harvest gold range. The whole arching through my arm incident was probably a good thing because after that the harvest gold range was declared dead (absolutely) and the decision was made, I needed to find a new range.

But first, I went grocery shopping as it is part of my normal routine on Saturdays. I stopped at Home Depot and Menards just to see what they had for ranges, nothing below $499. My good friend Porter suggested the local classifieds and so I followed his advice. The classifieds only had two listings and no ranges. However, one listing was for a refurb appliance shop in a town north of where I live. I filed the info in my mind and continued on to grocery shopping.

Upon returning home from the grocery store Carla handed me a note with all the info of the refurb appliance guy, she got the lead from a family friend. I considered it another sign (since I was electrocuted early in the day, I figured I was qualified to some special leftover powers.) So on up to Somerset I headed with orders to come home with a range.

The refrub guys place was immaculate with all parts and tools in plastic bins with detailed labels. Another sign. Getting a range from this guy would be a safe buy. In addition, he offered a 6-month warranty on a used range. I took all the time I needed to have this guy prove to me why I should buy a refurb appliance, from his shop.

We pretty much took the whole range apart so I could examine its interiors. I wanted to especially see the wiring since I was already familiar with old, brittle, and stiff connections from the harvest gold. I also looked for any indication of flames just in case the previous owner was a stupid as I was. After feeling the heat from all four burners and the oven for a full five minutes, I let the refurb guy move into his closing (the sale) sequence. I wrote him a check for $159.00 and looked forward to my wife’s adoration.

I got home from the refurb place just in time to scarf down a hamburger and headed off to worship services. Since it had been raining all day the new range stayed under the tarp and Carla and I made plans to bring it in the house after the kids went down for the night, about 8:30 or so.

While Carla was reading to the kids and prepping them for bedtime I dragged out the harvest gold piece of junk and made ready to bring in the new almond gem. My biggest concern was how Carla and I would get this gem into the house without damaging it all the while it rained pretty hard outside. I came up with a plan to make a rope harness similar to the straps the appliance mover guys use. I tied the rope into a loop and slide it under the new range. There was enough slack on both ends where Carla and I could each sling the rope around our necks and then lift with our legs and guide with our hands. Something was not right though because neither of us had more than an inch between our heads and the top (burner area) of the range – and our legs were already fully extended. Basically I could stick out my tongue and lick the big burner if I wanted to. We decided to work through the pain in our necks and pray that our backs would not go out. This harness method was still the best option we had to work with because of the rain. It took us several grunts to finally get the almond gem inside.

We positioned it rightly and proudly turned all the dials to on. Nothing. The stinking thing did not heat up. You want to know what crushed feels like, imagine our predicament at that moment. Although there were a few lights that came on and the clock did appear to be ticking away, but yet there was no heat. Carla and I lamented greatly almost in complete despair. I was looking forward to eggs and hash browns and pizza on Sunday Free Day. Not to mention the money I just spent, the effort we just expended. Nothing. The proud prize I brought home did not work. I went to bed feeling like the ultimate punch line to a cruel joke.

All through the night, whenever I woke up to reposition myself in bed, I prayed about the stove, that God would intervene. When I woke up in the morning the first thing I did was to go lay my hands on the stove and pray over it.

After drinking a cup of coffee I decided to get right to work. Perhaps I could figure it out. Perhaps it was the wiring. Perhaps things got a little too wet. But wait; first I decided to go turn off the breaker to the range. Ya’know, if you are going to work with electricity you must always remember safety comes first. So then while standing at the circuit breaker box I noticed two breakers for the range. I thought, what if only one was working? That would explain perhaps why only the lights worked and not the heat. I reasoned, if one breaker delivered 110, then two breakers puts out 220 and that is what the range needed. Niether breaker appeard blown, but I reset them anyway. I then went up stairs to check for heat. I was first clued in that something was different because the oven light went on which didn’t before. Bingo, I immediately started to feel the heat. It worked!

I went over to rub out the kink in Carla’s neck and figure out what to do about our rope burns, but I was just too excited! I instead told her to come and check out her new stove and asked her if she wanted an omelet for breakfast. It is all good!


ron said...

I still think you may become Electroman. At least I'm hoping. How many people know someone with superhuman electrical powers?

PS said...

A Google search turned up many hits on Electroman, there is even a video game.

I think I should wait for a few more days for the effects of the electrocution to settle in and for my powers and skills to incubate a little bit more. Today I see no evidence of super human powers so perhaps a few more days they will be revealed.

Ah heck...forget about it. I just want to be a hero to my wife and kids. :-)

Carla said...

Hey! I have been writing a song about you and it's taken me the better part of the morning.Here goes... Did you ever know that you're my hero? And everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle....thats all I have so far. It's a little rough but I think it conveys my adoration of you!! My stove-haulin hunk of a husband!!
Long live the almond gem!!!

Anonymous said...

Because of you, I have overcome the "intimidation" of blogs once again!!!! Now that I know you are not comatose, I feel much better! I was beginning to worry. God is a wonderous God, isn't He? He amazes me and you guys are funny!!! You keep me laughing! Can't wait to see the almond gem!


PS said...

Way to go Mom! Welcome!

kristi noser said...

Nice going, Pat! I did have a laugh thinking about you hunched over the stove close enough to lick the burner. When you have to move an appliance again, give us a call, then we can see it in person, or, y'know help.