Saturday, March 03, 2007

Shut Out, Aced, Skunked, Na Da, Nuttin, Wasted

After puking the first time at 5:00 am, I puked again at 6:00 am. The second time was far worse than the first. Not only did all the salt water come back up but so did some of the grapefruit I ate two days earlier. After the convulsions* stopped I said to myself, "Pat, this is the most idiotic thing you've ever done, on purpose, to yourself." I went back to bed until 7:30 am, I was wiped.

So far today (its 6:30 pm now) the only hole in my body utilized to expel waste has been my mouth. The cleansing (so called) that I expected has yet to come to fruition. By now I expected some action but I've been shut out.

I did take the kids sledding all day. I felt ok. Ironically, the most difficult thing I dealt with all day was bloating. Talking has also been tough because my throat is raw...salt burns I think.

The Great Blow is over. Needless to say it was a failure. Frankly, I've experienced better cleansing by eating 20 chocolate chip cookies on a Sunday afternoon.

*if you're interested perhaps I'll blog sometime about my xstreamly violent puking


Randy said...


I think this whole experiment blew up in our faces.

I have an idea on how to recruit others into joining our not so secrect society. Shhh! don't anyone tell them the truth. Let's encourage our not so close friends to join us during the second annual "Great Blowout". If they follow through to day 3 they will become official memebers of the "puke face" club and that's when we tell them the "secret".

The "secret" . . . it's not about the colon it's about lowering your sodium intake by hating salt for the rest of your life. When they start to become angry because of whithholding the truth, we begin talking to them like the "Master" talked to Kung Fu . . .

"Grasshopper the road less traveled is often a difficult road. Had I told you of the trials that lay ahead, would you have traveled the road?" "No master, I would not have." "Very good grasshopper, you have spoken well, remember, it's the salt stupid."

Burton did some research and he thinks the whole thing is a hoax. You think we should have done a little more research?

Sorry, I really had high hopes of a good colon cleansing. Back to the drawing board ~ no more home remedies.

Baptist Girl said...

Doctors don't recommend colon cleansing for better health or to prevent disease. The only appropriate use for colon cleansing is in preparation for a medical examination of the colon.

Mayo clinics answer to colon clensing.

Your colon normally eliminates waste material and bacteria and absorbs water and sodium to maintain your body's fluid and electrolyte balance. Some colon-cleansing programs disrupt this balance and can be harmful by causing dehydration and salt depletion.

your better off to take an Ex-lax.


Kim N. said...

Sorry it didn't work. I can relate to the EXstream puking though if that makes you feel any better. 9 months times 3 !! I hate throwing up!!!! On a serious note : My Mom sells Natural vitiams and other products, so I get lots of samples and overstock. If you are interested I can give you (free) a box of Internal cleansing system. Nothing gross to drink and it even includes putting Healthy flora back into your system.
Oh, yeah there is enough in the box for you and 3 of your closest friends so you can try again with Randy. Just let me know.

Reegz said...

I have this stuff called Herbal Fiber Blend-same effect, no gagging-K Smith and J McMullen told me about it. It really works. There is powder and pill. I could NOT swallow the powder mix but the pills work fabulous! It's a cleansing method-ask Kelli, she swears by it!

zach said...


I need to leave a note so your reader's don't think I'm some crazy psycho-doc trying to get a kick out of watching you suffer.

First, I gotta say reading your blog on this was hilarious, BUT only because I spoke to you this morning after service and already new that you were ok. I find no joy in watching you or anyone else suffer.

Now on to some flaws with your experiment. Have you ever played that game telephone where you wisper a phrase to someone, and they pass it on, and on and on until someone at the end blurts out a very different phrase than the one you originally said... That may have happened to you with this experiment. Some of the info passed from me to randy to you went missing or was entirely wrong.

The Correct process:

Day 1: Citrus Fruit- as much or litte as you wish.

Day 2: Food Fast (with lots of water). Drink at the very minimum 1/2 your body weight in ounces.

Day 3: Upon waking, continue to drink significant amounts of water until you have a BM (THIS IS AN IMPORTANT STEP). You want your colon empty when you start the salt water cleanse. Mix a quart of Sea Salt and water to saturation (the salt absolutely NEEDS TO BE SEA SALT- Not Iodized table salt). Attempt to drink a pint of the salt water. Freely drink pure water after. It will not disturb the process. Stay close to the bathroom. The extra solution is to be used only if you don't have a bm within 1-2 hours. Keep drinking water after the "blow-out" as i think you've named it to rehydrate. little activity and little to no food until evening.

I've done this 3 times in the last 6 years and have never vomitted. I suspect the table salt and lack of pure (unsalted) water either the day before or on the day of the cleanse may have caused your undesirable results.

Good blog material though!!

Dr. Zach

kristi noser said...

blew up in our faces LOLLOLLOLLOL!!!

ron said...

I have read followed this post and comments with interest. Here are my two cents:

Fasting is good for you, spiritually and physically. I've fasted and done a cleanse a few times. The fasting shows me how fragile my body and psyche is about food, and is a big part of biblical teaching. I think we (Christians in particular) ignore it in large part because we are selfish, and justify lack of fasting because it's too interrupting in our lives. Sort of like God tends to be too interrupting in our daily schedule Funny, but Jesus wasn't too busy to fast.

Cleansing if "done properly" doesn't hurt, and I have always felt better afterwards.

Americans tend to eat like crap, and for the most part could care less whether there are better options. We come up with excuses for not eating well, and accept much of what is put in front of us without considering the consequences. I'm thankful we live in a society with amazing ways to produce and distribute food, and places like the Mayo clinic to study advanced medicine, but that doesn't mean we should eat whatever, and believe everything that comes from the Mayo.

I'm no kook about this, and eat my share of beef and other tasty things our culture provides, but the fact is there are a lot of hidden things in food which can affect us much more than we want to believe, and we tend to write people off as weirdo's and cranks who talk about these issues. Sadly, some of them are, e.g. Kevin Trudeau, but I do think some have great insight and ideas.

Pat, I think you were absolutely right to give it a shot, your mistake was in not making sure you did it correctly.

I am done ranting.

erin said...

Wow, Pat. Everyone has an opinion about your a$$.

Trooper Sensitivity said...

New from the makers of the AIDS reducing plan (remember the choclate candy prior to the deadly disease?Circa 1979) We are proud to introduce "COLON BLOW" the last best breakfast cereal...........
Pat and Randy I pretty much wet my pants I was laughing so hard....Take care and eat a fig bar.